More Pun-Ishment
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged
with battery.
A pessimist's blood type is
always b-negative.
Practice safe eating -- always
use condiments.
A Freudian slip is when you
say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: a case of
wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket
factory, but it folded.
A hangover is the wrath of
grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making
headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a
peeping tome?
Sea captains don't like crew
cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a
bell?
A successful diet is the
triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a
great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is
pointless.
When you dream in color, it's
a pigment of your imagination.
Reading while sunbathing makes
you well-red.
A man's home is his castle, in
a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu -- the same mustard
as before.
When two egotists meet, it's
an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its
own because it is two-tired.
What's the definition of a
will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
A backwards poet writes
inverse.
In democracy your vote
counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is
poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your
exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a
new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a
mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
When a clock is hungry, it
goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery
machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a
kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt
if you can't budge it.
He often broke into song
because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are
numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It 'taint
yours and it 'taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is
hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory
that was never developed.
The short fortuneteller who
escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping
center, you've seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris
bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first
strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on
a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are
subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well
done.
By Susan Darst Williams • www.GoBigEd.com • Class Clown 020
• 6/14/06